I know I’m wrong but my wife is the punch line to most of my jokes. She is a good
sport about it most of the time but there are times when I go overboard. It’s a
good thing we don’t live on a houseboat because that is where I would be on
this one…. Overboard.
I was driving a truck at the time and had been to Canada many times but Roxane had
never been so I took her with me.
I was making a delivery to a warehouse which is not surprising since I was a truck
driver. It was snowing. It had been snowing for quite some time and it was slow
going. This is no surprise either….. My wife had to use the bathroom. I couldn’t
get off the highway to get her some relief so she was really suffering by the
time we made it to the warehouse.
I don’t know what made me do it…….
I walked into the delivery office to hand in my paperwork. Another driver was already at
the clerk’s window. When it was my turn I handed in my paperwork and told the
clerk I had a strange question for him……. The clerk said “OK what’s your
“I have a monkey in my truck that needs to pee. Can I bring her inside to use the
Instead of leaving the other driver stopped short of the exit to listen.
The Clerk “you have a what?”
“I have an Orangutan that rides with me….. You know like BJ and the Bear or Right
Turn Clyde.” “She is not used to all this snow and cold weather so she won’t go
pee in the snow and she is going to mess up my truck if she can’t use your
I went on to tell him that she was a very clean animal and knows how to use a human
The clerk just couldn’t believe his luck….. He was going to see an Orangutan today. His day
wasn’t so boring all of a sudden. Of course he said yes.
I went to fetch my wife, who was already embarrassed to go into the clerk’s
office as it was. I was looking forward to seeing the clerks face when I walked
in with my bride instead of a monkey. We walked in to find the driver still
waiting. As soon as he saw us he turned his face to keep from laughing but I was
somewhat disappointed because the clerk was not at his post.
Roxane found the bathroom just down the hall and I was posted outside to keep anybody
from walking in on her. Roxane is very bashful. I’m used to standing guard so I
stood there obediently…………waiting.
The clerk came back……….. Where had he gone?
The clerk went into the warehouse and told everybody to come out to see this crazy truck
driver that lived on the road with an Orangutan. There were at least 15 people
following the clerk. The hallway was only so big and with so many people
crowding around the bathroom door I barely had room to breathe much less explain
it was all a joke.
I did the next best thing. I told everyone that my Orangutan was a very clean ape and
fun to travel with. I told them she would use the bathroom just like a person,
flush the toilet most of the time and wash her hands.
I said she would come out and do hand stands and all kinds of tricks. She is very
friendly and will want to hug everybody but be careful of any wet patches of hair
because even though she washes her hands, sometimes she will pee on them in the
process of mimicking a human trying to use toilet paper. Sometimes she forgets
the order of things…. Pee, wipe or wipe, pee or pee while wiping.
The guys were having a good time while anticipating Roxane the Orangutans exit the
My monkey wouldn’t come out. The clerk suggested I check on her because she was taking a
long time. I agreed that I should check on her to make sure she didn’t eat all
the toilet paper. A bad habit.
I was just about to knock on the door when my monkey jerked the door open…. Nearly ripped
it off the hinges and punched me in the chest.
The warehouse crew busted up laughing and Roxane was so red in the face she looked like a
real Orangutan and took the opportunity to hit me again. She had been able to
She is a good sport but my chest still hurts just thinking about that punch. I don’t understand
what the big deal was. It was funny. Roxane never went to the bathroom after
that unless it was a rest area or truck stop. So touchy.
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